excerpt from ch.2

Have you ever been so overwhelmed by a moment that you literally have no clue what to do?  This is where I was. I had a constant sinking feeling in my gut, a weight of one thousand bricks on my shoulders, and to boot a blow horn in my ear that said on repeat “you’re screwed.”  Everything about this moment sucked. Everything.

Scared.

Shocked.

Angry.  No, pissed.

Desperate.

At one point I asked someone if a person could experience all five stages of grief in one moment.  I have the answer. It is yes. I was pleading with God, I was angry at the world:

Denial: No, this can’t really be happening. I am going to wake up from this,  or better yet something will happen and they will have to take their house off the market and all will be well again.  Ya that's what will happen. We wont have to move.

Anger: I have been nothing but great to them, they have been so awful to us.  We have taken care of their place, repaired things when they were supposed to and paid our rent on time all without complaining.  They are terrible people

Bargaining: I will pay more money a month to stay here until next year

Depression: That’s it, it’s over- This day is the day where our dreams have gone to die(makes it sound so much more dramatic doesn’t it?)

We will never own a house and we will never save another penny.  We are broke we always will be broke and by the way my hair sucks today.  

Acceptance: I’ve got this.  We’ve got this. We will find an amazing house, we will thrive and to boot we will dance on the way out.  

No joke.  I experienced all of these thoughts.  At. The. Same. Time.

Throughout the day I spoke with a few people, mostly from my close circle of friends.  I cried. A lot.

One of the gals that I talked to told me about how during a situation like this the school district can’t remove the kids from their school if they are homeless.  

Homeless.  Let that sink in.  We did not have a place to live.  Thirty minutes prior to this I was fine.  I was mentally planning out where we would take the kids on vacation in the summer.  I was starting to purge items from our home thinking I had months before we would contemplate moving.  Now, according to the school district because we did not have a place we could call home- we were considered homeless.  

How can this happen?  My husband has a good job, and had a significant raise just a few months ago.  HOW. ARE. WE. HERE?!?!

I felt so alone In the moments that followed.  I needed my husband who was at work digesting this all as much as he could.  I remember it was windy and raining all day that day. It was so dark and dreary out.  Something that any Pacific Northwesterner will tell you, we have 50,000 shades of grey here- this was a day that was at the darkest end of the gray spectrum.  This only personified my feelings of anger and sadness.

I needed someone to rescue me.  I needed a word from a friend. I needed prayer.  I needed to hear Jesus.

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